I'm back in the swing of another semester. This is the final semester of my 18th year of schooling. Isn't that crazy? What kind of a masochist am I? But, the good news is, I think it's going to be a good semester. I had originally planned to take one class, and 6 hours of research prep (which is basically credits you use to fill up your schedule, but aren't graded). I was going to use the extra time to write my thesis. Then, some people suggested that I should take another class, because I wouldn't need that much time to write my thesis. Stupidly, I listened to them and added the sociology of consumption. I stuck it out for one week, then I realized that in order to do all of the reading for two ridiculously reading-intensive classes, write my thesis, ta for JH, I would have to cut just about everything else out of my life. My life would consist of nothing but slaving away in graduate school. I saw this as having a disastrous result. By the end of the semester, I would be fatter (because I wouldn't have time to be healthy or exercise), I would be really really exhausted, I would have lost irretrievable amounts of quality time with Josh and our friends, and I would hate graduate school and would make an irrational, emotionally-driven decision to quit.

So, I dropped a class and went back to my original plan. I realized that all that really matters is me having a balanced life, because that is when I thrive. If my advisors want to give up life completely for endless reading and writing, that is ok. But, I don't want to. And I feel really good about my decision. I've been to the gym on a fairly regular basis. I'm getting sleep. I'm enjoying life with my husband. Sunday night, we made cookies. It's the ability to do those things that keeps me sane....and will keep me in grad school. Which brings me to my next announcement...

I think I might stay. It's really actually not up to me. At the end of the semester, the faculty meet and talk about everyone and decide who they will invite to continue in the program. So, should they invite me, I feel like I will stay. Deep down inside, I've always wanted a PhD, and it couldn't ever hurt me to have it. Even if I choose a way of life in which a PhD is superfluous, I will be a better, more well-rounded person for the experience. I'll have learned so much, not only about sociology, and the world around me, but about myself. And, I think I'm ok with this decision. It all came to me on Friday when I sat on the bus stop bench with Josh, and almost burst into tears about the workload I would have if I kept the extra class. It's not graduate school I hate. It's having my life out of balance and feeling like I'm not in control of anything. So, if I keep myself grounded and stick to my own decisions, I think everything will be ok.