If being an academic necessarily entails lots of time spent at the typing board...then it's probably not for me. I really hate writing papers, and was lamenting it to my husband earlier today. The funny part is, I always struggle through, saying to myself (and others), "This is crap. This paper sucks and I should start over...but I don't want to start over. I don't think I'm making sense, I don't know what to include, etc." and the end result is almost always sublime. Ok...sublime is an overstatment, but I guess I have to confess that most of the time I write pretty good papers. Except for this time.

I'm really having a hard time with this paper. After two days of writing, I only have 10 pages, plus 2 pages in another document of thoughts that I don't know where to place yet. The problem is, this issue of transracial adoption is so HUGE and I don't get it. I really just want to write, "THIS IS ASSININE! There are thousands upon thousands of black children out there who need homes, and need them NOW and it is so typical of American society to be fighting over if these children belong with blacks or whites!!! They just belong in HOMES, with parents who will love and care for them." And that would be my paper. But, it has to be at least 20 pages...so that's not gonna cut it. Actually, there is more to it than that, and I just don't know how to be critical/theoretical about this one. The very fact that dwellers of the ivory tower and social workers alike are sitting around writing 90 page journal articles about this only solidifies the fact that Americans are obsessed with race. Perhaps if we started tearing down racial barriers in the intimate context of the family, society as a whole would be able to move past race. I personally feel that this whole debate is an ongoing part of the social constuction of race. Race is an issue because we make it one.

Oh - then I found this website where if you are the white parent of a black child, you can read all of these resources, including articles by black adults who were raised by white parents...and the articles may make you paranoid that you did the wrong thing, when all you really wanted to do was love a child who needed a home.

Anyway, I had better get back to struggling with this paper. My head just feels cloudy and I am not getting in a grove to write today. I still have 5 days before the paper is due, but I'm sure it will require extensive editing (by my live-in editor, J. Morgan, without whom I would never turn out a good paper) so, I want to get it done by the weekend. Grrr...